Just keep Pushing. . .

What a crazy/busy time it's been since my last update. Just a few of the main events that have happened between then and now. . . Completed my student teaching/last semester of college, applied for jobs, Graduated college, applied for more jobs, went to Hawaii for a week with my mom, applied for and interviewed for jobs, started working back at good ol' Cedar Ridge for the summer, applied and interviewed for more jobs, got a new calling in my ward. . .Relief Society Pres., and continued applying and interviewing for a teaching job. After applying for a job or two. . . now I can say I got one! :) VERY unexpectedly I was selected for an interview and offered a job to teach full day Kindergarten at my old elementary school. . .Helen M. Knight in my hometown of MOAB!!!!! and. . .I accepted their offer. They just built a new school so I will be in a brand new building, I'm so stoked!!! So in the next few weeks I will be scrambling to get my classroom set up and ready to go for the year and be moving back home. I never thought this great opportunity would come, but it has so I'll take it. In preparing my Relief Society lesson for today I shared a short story I heard at a fireside that I loved and feel applies to my life quite well so I wanted to share it. . .

A man was sleeping at night in his cabin when suddenly his room filled with light and the Savior appeared. The Lord told the man he had work for him to do, and showed him a large rock in front of his cabin. The Lord explained that the man was to push against the rock with all his might.

This the man did, day after day. For many years he toiled from sun up to sun down, his shoulders set squarely against the cold, massive surface of the unmoving rock, pushing it with all his might. Each night the man returned to his cabin sore, and worn out, feeling that his whole day had been spent in vain.

Noticing that the man was showing signs of discouragement, the adversary decided to enter the picture by placing thoughts into the man’s weary mind. “You have been pushing against this rock for a long time, and it hasn’t budged. Why kill yourself over this? You are never going to move it.” Thus giving the man the impression that the task was impossible and that he was a failure. These troubling thoughts discouraged and disheartened the man. “Why kill myself over this?” I’ll just put in my time, giving just the minimum effort and that will be good enough.

And that is what he planned to do until one day he decided to make it a matter of prayer and take his thoughts to the Lord. “Lord” he said, “I have labored long and hard in your service, putting all my strength to do that which you have asked. Yet, after all this time, I have not even been able to budge that rock. What is wrong? Why am I failing?”

The Lord responded compassionately, “My friend, When I asked you to serve me and you accepted, I told you that your task was to push against the rock with all your strength, which you have done. Never once did I mention to you that I expected you to move it. Your task was to push. And now you come to me with your strength spent, thinking that you have failed. But, is that really so?”

“Look at yourself. Your arms are strong and muscled, your back sinewy and brown, your hands are callused from constant pressure, and your legs have become massive and hard. Through opposition you have grown much and your abilities now surpass that which you used to have. Yet you haven’t moved the rock. But your calling was to be obedient and to push and to exercise your faith and trust in my wisdom. This you have done. I, my friend, will now move the rock.”

At times, when we hear a word from God, we tend to use our own intellect to decipher what He wants, when actually what God wants is simple obedience and Faith in Him…

. . .I hope that I can continue pushing and working on the boulders in my life. Even during the times when I'm tired, worn out, and want to give up. I want to remember Heavenly Father has done and will continue to do the hardest part for us, and move our boulders. All we have to do is be patient and obedient to what he asks of us, and continue to push.

Winter Weather

So Saturday night Steve and I had planned on going to battle of the bands but he didn't get off work till late and then bands were finished playing by the time we got there so we just left. We may or may not have decided to leave also because it reeked of weed and there was probably a good chance of getting a bit of a contact high. :) We decided to go out and enjoy the winter weather while it was here and we went out to make a snowman. Unfortunately it was not snowball snow so that was out of the question, so when life gives you non-snowball snow. . . make a snow angel. Good idea? yes and no. Yes, because it's fun, but no because it is FREEZING COLD! It snowed a good 6 in. or more in Cedar so we did have a good snowball fight and made some great snow angels and then went to Maverik to get hot chocolate. Such a fun night! Here's just a few pictures. . .

The Ups and Downs of Life

So many of you reading this may think I write some personal things on here but it's because I use this as more of a journal than just a blog to keep friends and family updated on my life. The last few months have been somewhat trying. My life is not exactly where I thought it would end up. When I was young I always thought I would just grow up, go to college, and then get married. I never thought about what would happen after that. Well I grew up, went to college, almost finished with college, but still not married. My plan of 22 years is now not working out. Not that I'm necessarily complaining but like I said, not what I planned on. I've been really frustrated with trying to figure out what I'm supposed to do with my life now. Where do I go from here. Where is my "Mr. Right"? Now you may be thinking that since I've bought it up that I've had some divine inspiration on what to do and where he is, but unfortunately I still have yet to get that. But I have really tried to focus on me lately. Instead of being upset that life isn't going how I think I want it to I have tried to make the most of it and try to find the reasons why Heavenly Father has kept me here and in my present situation. Now it's still not always easy but has definitely been easier than being sad and stressed all the time. I have decided to just go on with my life and see where it leads me. I have started applying for jobs in lots of different areas; Lake Havasu Arizona, Rock Springs Wyoming, Las Vegas Nevada, and a few in the Salt Lake area. I also hope that once more openings are posed I will be able to apply for the Cedar City/St. George areas. I still have no idea where I really want to go but I am so excited to see where I end up. I don't know why I felt to write all this down but like I said this is more a journal for me than just a blog. Student teaching is still going great. I am in Kindergarten class that has 23 students in the morning and 18 in the afternoon. . . 33 total (some are all day kids). They are definitely a handful but always make me laugh! I'm really loving it and I'm so excited to have my own classroom hopefully soon! Also an update on the male situation. . . the cute cowboy I mentioned a month or so ago didn't really work out, but isn't there a saying that says something like when a door closes a window opens, or something like that. Morgan set me up on a blind date with a co-worker, and since it was even in the planning stages she insisted that we are perfect for each other and the only real problem is whose side she will sit on at our wedding. We set up a triple blind date and it went great! He is a awesome guy, so funny and genuine. We have gone out a few times since then and have some fun things planned for the long weekend so we will see how they turn out. I can only hope for the best!

The Latest

Well January was my birthday month and as expected it was basically the same as all the others. No big party but I did have my blind date with that cowboy. I think it went well but I'll be surprised if I get a second one. On the plus side, Mom left my number for our cute waiter at Chili's but I still haven't heard from him so we'll see about that one. . . My friend also left my number with another cute waiter at Red Robin in St. George but no news from him either, but it is what it is. I did go to California with my Mom and Natalie to visit some family. It was a long drive for a weekend but lots of fun and definitely worth it. We found out lots of information for genealogy work will keep us busy for a while. Those were basically the highlights of the last few weeks.

Student teaching is going great. My TWS. . . well it's coming along I guess, slowly. This week I finished my first placement which was in special ed. I'm happy to be done but I miss all the kids I worked with and I was actually pretty sad on my last day working with all of them. But now I'm in a Kindergarten room with 23 students in the morning and 18 in the afternoon. What a handful! They are very busy and hard to keep track of. I'll admit I was pretty worried to start from previous bad experiences in Kindergarten classes but I have been pleasantly surprised. There are still times when I feel like I'm going crazy but overall it's gone well. My first day I mostly observed and helped keep the kids still and quite but on the second day I was put to work. I took over "opening" on the rug, which is when we recite the ABC's, practice writing sentances, counting to 20, calendar, etc. Then in the afternoon my mentor teacher had to go to a meeting at the district office so I had to take over. She was planning on only being gone about an hour but I got the schedule for the whole day just in case. Thankfully I got it because she didn't get back until 10 min. before school got out so I was solo all afternoon. I think it went well and we didn't have any major problems but I wasn't expecting to take over for the whole class my 2nd day. They kids are so cute and do the funniest things it's hard to not laugh all the time. I'm excited to see how the rest of my time in the room will go.

TWS

An update from my last post: Last week went smoothly and everything went well. I got almost everything done that was on my "To do" list and my combined groups went surprisingly well. The students we so great and the TA's were a huge help. It was scary at first but was a great learning experience. So here is my newest challenge. . .

Surprisingly this semester has probably been my easiest one yet. Professors and advisors constantly try to prepare you before hand by telling you that you will be so busy and never have time and be running around like crazy during student teaching, but I'm coming to realize they were over exaggerating maybe just a little bit. I will admit I have put in the most hours each week this semester than any previous one but I've probably had the least amount of stress so it all evens out. The hardest part for me is a large project called: The Teacher Work Sample (TWS) I have to complete by the end of the semester in order to graduate. A brief summary of it would be: 10 or more lessons to teach as part of a unit of my choice. It also includes a number of papers ranging from 2-4 pages each. Keep in mind that as much as I enjoy writing, anything more than 2 pages feels like it might as well be considered a novel. I've noticed that every night I come home I'm basically done thinking about school. As of now at least, I have enough prep time throughout the day that I don't have to bring my work home with me (1st time in my entire schooling!). The bad part is that my "classes" are 40 hrs a week so it doesn't leave too much time for me to work on this extra project and still have time to be lazy or do something of my choice. . . Welcome to the working world. So. . . I haven't really started it yet. I've tried to enjoy my evenings off and just get used to my new daily routine.

I've decided I've waited long enough. This project is still sitting in the back of my mind and constantly reminding me that it's not done yet and the days are quickly going by. So I decided to make a checklist and hopefully I will help me to get started on some of the smaller parts of it and slowly work my way through it. I don't want to put it off and be stressed at the end right before graduation and still be trying to cram in all in because it actually is kind of a a big deal. . . I can't graduate without it. So we'll see how this goes. My goal is 1-2 lessons or papers per week. This will give me plenty of time to get it done quickly and also have time in the evenings to relax and do something fun. It won't be too hard to do I just can't seem to make myself get started and just do it. We'll see how this goes. . . wish me luck!

Surprise, Surprise

So last week I hit the half way point in my first placement in student teaching. I guess you could say I'm more than 1/6 of the way done. Yay! Each day I learn tons of new ideas and strategies when working with kids and other teachers and TA's. Little by little my mentor teacher has been giving me more responsibility in taking over the classroom. It is harder in the resource room because you always had different students and something always comes up so the schedule is constantly changing. I feel like I'm finally kind of getting the hang of it but still not confident in a lot of things. Tonight my teacher call me and said she will be gone for the next 3 days for a funeral and that I will be taking over everything. Surprise! As if that was not enough, we have extra meetings 2 mornings before school, and 2 during lunch this week. I also have to do a few observations and fit in some extra time to start testing a student. We did have an IEP meeting scheduled for Thursday after school, but luckily she is going to reschedule it for when she will be here. Phew! Nothing like a little extra stress to help the week go by faster. I'm actually not too worried just a little, but it will definitely be different with her not there and me being in charge. It is nice having someone double check all your work and letting you know if it's right or not on a daily basis. Hopefully the week will go smoothly and no major problems come up while she's gone so I won't have to make any major decisions in her behalf.

Late Christmas

Sorry for such negativity lately. My last few posts haven't been the most uplifting but I guess I just needed to vent. Yesterday was a more positive day so I thought that's something I could share. It was a late Christmas! Before I had gone home for the holidays, Morgan and I had exchanged gifts. To my great surprise she had gotten me a gift card to Cal Ranch. This is because we had been talking and I had told her how much I liked some boots that I had seen there. Being the awesome friend she is. . .she got me a gift card so that I could go pick some out. I have to also give credit to Grandma Tangren for the other half of them thanks to her annual gift of . . . cash! (unfortunately the card alone wasn't enough to buy my boots) When I got these gifts I immediately pictured new boots I wanted so much! I have been somewhat busy since I have come home and haven't had a chance to go pick them out... until yesterday. I went to the store and spent an unusually long amount of time trying to pick between 2 pairs that were almost equally cute. I finally picked the ones I liked best and well, now I own them. I only wish I could wear them to school so I could wear them all day everyday. They are so cute! Thanks Morgan and Grandma!


To top off the story I may have a chance pretty soon to get to use them for their intended purpose. A friend and I were talking about guy he knows that has horses and wants to take someone for a ride. And the good friend he is, he gave him my number and said I wanted to go for a horse ride. So there is a possibility for a blind date with a cute cowboy coming up, and I'll get to wear my boots, so things could be looking up. . . but we'll see what actually happens. But until then, I'll just break them in wearing them to the store and around the house every minute that I'm not at school so they're ready when the time comes. :)

Welcome 2011

Well it's another new year and time to make some new years resolutions yet again. I really don't like making them because I always forget about them and most often forget what the even are. But there are a few things I would like to do this year because in a way I am starting a new chapter in my life. I will be graduating college and starting something new, but I still don't know what that will be. I have a few options: Start teaching, work somewhere outside of Utah for a while, go on a mission, get married, or many other things. I'm still not sure where my life will go after the next few months and consequently it gives me lots of frustration and sometimes anger. I know that I am in total control and can do whatever I want, but what causes the problem is that I don't know what I want, what is best for me, or what I'm supposed to do. I feel like I've worked and worked as long as I can remember and never really took much time to just have fun and do what I want to do. So I'm hoping that is something I can work on this year. Maybe I won't start teaching right away and I'll work at a low paying job while I live in a junky house, away from everyone I know, doing something I love equally as much. I want to do something different. Something for me. Everyone says this is the only time in your entire life where it's all about you. So far, yes it has been all about me, but I don't know if I would call it some of the funnest years of my life, but some of the longest, hardest, frustrating, stressful, and most challenging. But equally so, there have been sweet moments, happy times, great memories, learning experiences and positive examples. I guess what I'm feeling is that I have always done what was expected of me or what I was "supposed to do" or what "everyone else was doing". I wasn't opposed to doing what I've done but now I just want to take some time for myself. I want to do what I want to do. I don't care if everyone else thinks its a waste of time or money, or if it's "not what they would do". It's what I want to do. So I want to take more opportunities just to do something fun, something crazy and out of the ordinary. Because I agree, this is the only time in my life where I can do what I want and don't have to ask permission or check if it's ok. A few specific things I do want to do though are run a few half marathons, take a vacation, and meet someone.