Tis the Season. . .

So I'm finally home for the holidays, and unfortunately I'm not having quite the time that I expected. While I was still in Cedar I was at home alone for the majority of the day almost every day since school ended. I watched Christmas movie after Christmas movie on TV while working on projects and then when I would get tired of them I would turn on Christmas music. I just couldn't get enough of them. Now I'm home and for some reason I'm not really feeling the Christmas spirit. I have a kind of grumpy attitude and don't feel like doing anything. I'm trying to be happy and pleasant to be around but I don't feel that It's really working that well. Maybe it's because I feel like I've been running myself ragged with an extra long semester, starting student teaching early and trying to get ready for Christmas at home and then again for it in Moab and now I am finally really feeling the effects of it. I finally have a few spare minutes and I'm bored. Free time? Who's ever heard of that! I'm so used to being so busy all the time I don't know what to do with myself. I know I just have a bad attitude and I need to just get over it and enjoy the time I have to spend with my family and make some good memories. I hate to share this bad attitude with everyone that may read this but I feel like several areas of stress in my life at this point are just starting to show themselves and I'm having a hard time keeping the negative feelings of frustration in. So sorry if I get upset easily over small meaningless things. . . but I'm working on it. On a more positive note I am almost totally ready for Christmas.

100 Things About Me - Same as Before

My mom and all my sisters did this on their blogs and I thought it was really cool so I thought Id try it out.

1. I'm very self conscious
2. I don't like that I dyed my hair and wish I hadn't cut it short
3. I don't like to eat in front of people. Especially if its something you have to bite into
4. I'm a neat freak
5. I can't leave for school or anywhere without cleaning my room
6. I always close the shower curtain
7. My hands look like grandma hands
8. I love to make crafts
9. I want to make another quilt
10. I like school
11. I'm majoring in Elementary Education
12. My area of specialization is Early Childhood Education
13. I'm nervous to be responsible for teaching so many kids at once
14. I love kids
15. My biggest fear is that I will never have kids of my own
16. I love to spend time with my family
17. I believe in God
18. I try to always have an eternal perspective
19. I want to go on a mission someday
20. I like to eat junk food, especially chocolate. Chocolate covered pretzels are my favorite
21. I like to have the hiccups but I rarely get them
22. People have told me I look much older then I really am
23. People have also told me I dress like a mom, in high school my friends called me mom
24. I love to drive and go on road trips
25. I'm a worrier
26. I get headaches all the time
27. I usually have one more often than not
28. I'm trying to dress more trendy
29. Sometimes when I do I just feel silly, so I'll go change
30. I'm a very simple person
31. I usually wear jeans, t-shirt, and tennis shoes
32. Summer is my favorite season
33. I hate being cold, I'm always cold in winter
34. I like to rake leaves and do yard work.
35. I want to have a really big garden someday
36. I worked as part of the maintenance crew at a golf course last summer
37. I loved it! (and I got an awesome tan!)
38. I took an auto class in high school
39. I secretly wish i could take another one
40. I like to work on cars with my dad
41. I changed the gas tank and dropped the transmission on a 64 1/2' ford mustang. (with dad's help)
42. I like to sit in front of the stove with dad in the shop
43. I like to build things
44. I never paint my fingernails
45. My toenails are always painted
46. Maroon is my favorite color
47. I like to decorate
48. When I sew or make crafts I always make it up as I go. (I rarely follow a pattern)
49. I'm always late - even if I leave early
50. I hate being late
51. I'm very laid back
52. I'm very patient and don't get mad often
53. I would love to own a craft store someday
54. I'm pretty good at saving my money for something, but once I have enough I don't ever want to spend my money on it
55. I can easily spend hours in a craft or fabric store.
56. Sometime I forget what I'm saying in the middle of a sentence
57. When I shop I always look at the clearance racks first, if its not on sale I usually wont buy it; I'm a cheap skate
58. In almost 2 years into college I can count the number of dates I've been on on one hand.
59. I love doing things for others
60. Hamburgers are probably my favorite food. . . mustard has to go on the top bun and ketchup on the bottom.
61. I don't like my feet so I always cover them. I love shoes
62. I have really dry skin. . . I hate it.
63. I always have a bottle of lotion, some kind of aspirin, and chap stick with me
64. I daydream of designing my future home
65. I want lots of kids
66. I'm obsessive compulsive
67. If I step on a crack in the sidewalk or a rock with one foot, I have to do it with the other SO ANNOYING!
68. I love all kinds of music- I always have something playing! (even if it's just background noise)
69. Everything has to matching, If it's not I have to start over with everything new (my bath towels)
70. I love quotes
71. Soccer is my favorite sport
72. I wish I could play it everyday
73. I like to run in races, but I can't ever make myself train for them
74. I wish I could play the piano better
75. I love to sing and think I'm pretty good at it
76. I won't sing by myself when others can hear me
77. When I drive to and from school I almost always get hoarse from singing so loud
78. I wish I liked to read more
79. Whenever I watch TV or a movie I always work on a craft while doing it or I feel like I'm wasting time
80. I always fall asleep when watching movies at night, even at the theater
81. I get lonely easily
82. I basically live in my bedroom
83. I'm really shy and insecure
84. I get really nervous when I have to speak in front of people
85. I can speak Spanish but not fluently, I wish I could.
86. I'm afraid to take risks
87. When driving around town I follow the speed limit
88. When driving on the freeway I always speed
89. I can't wait to get married
90. Sometimes I wonder if I ever will
91. I'm a perfectionist
92. I'm not perfect
93. I try not to make the same mistake twice
94. Sometimes I sleep on top of my bed with just a blanket so that i don't mess up the covers
95. I hate being disorganized
96. I like to look at baby clothes when I go to the store
97. Sometimes I feel like I don't fit in anywhere and I'm all alone
98. My family and friends are my most precious possessions
99. I have a hard time accepting help from others
100. I would give everything I have to help someone else

Why do I do what I do?

This week I started student teaching and I have had a lot of new experiences that I didn't expect I'd have. I started in Special Ed. and this week I got to go on a field trip for a Christmas party at the bus barn with the severe students in the district. I admit I was a little nervous when I found out I was going but a little excited. When we got to the bus barn I was a little overwhelmed, but when we got inside it was much better. They had a small school bus that was similar to a remote control car. But it was better, It was much bigger, and it had lights and it could talk. The students didn't notice but it was being controlled by one of the workers but it worked out so the students could talk and interact with "Barney" the school bus. So many of the students were fascinated and didn't want to sit down and eat pizza with their friends. The other highlight of the trip was that Santa came to visit the kids. They were so excited when he came it and started asking what they wanted for Christmas. Teachers were taking pictures and translating for students that are somewhat difficult to understand. As all this was going on I had one of those moments where you feel like you're frozen in time or kind of just zoned out I guess. But as I was watching, there was one little boy probably around 7 or 8 with down-syndrome that was talking to Santa. He turned around to have his picture taken and he had the biggest smile on his face. Probably bigger than any of the other kids. When I saw this I could just feel the tears welling up in my eyes. Here I was surrounded by little children all struggling with some kind of severe disability that greatly affects their daily life, and they will never be cured from. The look on this boys face was pure joy. As I sat at watched him I couldn't help but feel guilty. On a daily basis I take for granted my physical and mental abilities. I complain and even let them go to waste. I thought, how often do I drive because I'm too tired when there are some that can only dream of being able to walk, or just use a calculator when some aren't able to understand or remember simple addition and subtraction facts. I tried to hide my emotions as quickly as I realized I was about to have tears running down my face but it's easier said than done. Since then I've looked at working with these students in a different way. Even the smallest gains are huge victories for them. It's definitely not always easy and usually difficult and frustrating, but it's when you see those little improvements and the pure joy on their face it makes it all worth it. -And that's why I do what I do.

Thoughts of the Day

So thinking through how my day went yesterday. Pretty well overall. The last day of classes and the last day that I will have classes on campus. A pretty weird feeling, but a good one. A girl in my class has been talking about staying positive and having a better attitude about life. I was thinking of this last night and decided that's actually a great idea and I should try it too. She keeps a little notebook with her and she writes cute quotes or idea that she hears in it. One I heard recently was from a girl in my ward who was speaking about being thankful. She read a quote that was something similar to this.

I am thankful...

.. for the husband who complains when his dinner is
not on time, because it means he is home with me, not
with someone else.
.. for the teenager who is complaining about doing
dishes, because it means she/he is at home, not on the
streets.
.. for the taxes that I pay, because it means that I
am employed .
.. for the mess to clean after a party, because it
means that I have been surrounded by friends.
.. for the clothes that fit a little too snug,
because it means I have enough to eat.
.. for my shadow that watches me work, because it
means I am out in the sunshine.
.. for a lawn that needs mowing, windows that need
cleaning, and gutters that need fixing, because it
means I have a home.
.. for all the complaining I hear about the
Government, because it means we have freedom of speech.
.. for the parking spot I find at the far end of the
parking lot, because it means I am capable of
walking, and that I have been blessed with
transportation.
.. for my huge heating bill, because it means I am
warm.
.. for the lady behind me in church that sings off
key, because it means that I can hear.
.. for the pile of laundry and ironing, because it
means I have clothes to wear.
.. for weariness and aching muscles at the end of the
day, because it means I have been capable of working
hard and using those limbs.
.. for the alarm that goes off in the early morning,
because it means that I am alive.
.... and for too much e-mail, because it means I have
friends who are thinking of me and are trying to make
me smile even when they are out of touch.

I really liked this and made me think of all the complaining I do about the blessing I have in my life. I'm trying to look at life in a more positive way and be grateful for what I have and count my many blessings.

Needing an Update

So Amy just told me that she has a blog and Skyler and they update them almost daily. Then she says: I looked up your blog and last time you updated it was. . . a year ago! Yes I know that I'm not the greatest at keeping it updated but I do what I can. Or maybe not really. Maybe I forgot that it had been that long since the last update. The last post was my New Year's resolutions for 2010 and I was thinking maybe I should just wait a few weeks and change the date to 2011 and just make this my blog for New Year's Resolutions. Maybe not. School has been very busy and quite the learning experience this semester, in a good way. I'm finally only 1 semester away from my bachelors degree. I can hardly wait! Life has been so uncertain in the last few months with school, boys, and everything in between. It has made me realize how much life can change in such a short time. There's only 2 days of school left this semester and then I start right away with student teaching the next day. Not much a break if you ask me. But I'm glad to get started sooner. . . that means I'll be done sooner. This was a pretty random post and is just a glimpse of what has sort of been going on. Hopefully I can do better at keeping this updated but it will be busy so I'm promising anything.

New Years Resolutions

So I've set some new years resolutions this year. I never usually do but I figure that when you set goals and write them out you are much more likely to actually do them. I've thought about a lot of things in my life I would like to work on and and set a few goals for myself to help.

1. Attend more of my church meetings
2. Exercise 5 days a week for at least 30 min
3. Eat healthier
4. Cook more
5. Socialize, meet new people, and make friends
6. Spend more time with my family

So far I have done pretty well with working towards my goals. I have gone to almost all my meetings. I got a gym pass and have been to the gym at least 5 days each week. I also am cooking more good meals and also eating healthier snacks throughout the day. I have made small steps towards meeting new people in my ward at various activities and also at school. Spending time with my family is tough since I live so far away from them but I try to call more often "just to chat" instead of only when I need to ask someone something. I also have signed up to run a half marathon with a friend. This has helped me really focus on exercising daily. I hope that I can focus on my goals throughout the year and not just for a few weeks or months.